ഇഷ്ടം

ശെടാ ഒരു പെണ്‍കൊച്ചിനെ ഇഷട്ടപെട്ടാൽ അത് ഇത്ര വലിയ പ്രശ്നം ആകുമെന്ന് ഞാൻ അറിഞ്ഞില്ല !
അവൾ എന്റ്റെ  ആകുമോ ഇല്ലെയോ എന്ന് എനിക്ക് അറിഞ്ഞുട. ദൈവം എന്റ്റെ  പ്രാര്ത്ഥന കേട്ട് മടുത്തോ ആവോ. അവളുടെ അമ്മയോട് സംസാരിചിപോൾ സന്തോഷം തോന്നി. എന്നെ കാണനം എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു . ആ അമ്മയുടെ ഒരു ഫോണ് വിളി കാത്തിരിക്കുവ ഈ സ്വപ്ന ലോകെതിലെ ബാലഭാസ്കരൻ . എന്നിക്കോ ജോലിയോ കൂലിയൊ ഇല്ല. എന്തിന് മലയാളംപോലും നേരെ ചൊവ്വേ പറയാനോ എഴുതാനോ അറിയില്ല. ഇരുപത്തി ഏഴു വയസും ആയി. കൊള്ളാം!
നിങ്ങൾ ഇവടെ വരെ കഷട്ടപെട്ടു എത്തിയെങ്കിൽ ഒരു എളിയവന്റ്റെ അപേക്ഷ  ...എന്നിക്കു വേണ്ടി praarthikenne .

God is good

How do you feel when what you have been praying for so long is within reach? What is that feeling anyways? You feel special. You feel loved. You want to tell the whole world but you are keeping it inside.

Well I'm going through such kind of situation. I'm a bit tensed up. A bit nervous.

Yesterday was Mother Mary's birthday and  I had asked a gift from her. And voila! a gift I received.  My mom spoke with Susan's mom. She seems interested, but I have to keep calm. Out of all the boys out there, why would she let me marry her daughter?
1) I'm jobless
2) I'm not even from the Knanaya community
3) I'm not abroad
4) She is even a couple of months elder to me!!

Now you say to me. What are my chances? Do I even have one?

But the good Lord has been kind to me. He is answering my prayers. I don't want to be smug lest I may do or say something stupid. I have been memorizing Proverbs 5:1-2 for the past one week:

My son, if you listen closely
    to my wisdom and good sense,
you will have sound judgment,
    and you will always know
    the right thing to say

I hope to say the right thing.

My God you know me better than anyone else. You will only do the right thing for me. I ask you to guide me. I have only you. If you think that I can look after a girl, I'm sure you will give her. Thank You for everything.

I Believe In Miracles

Yes! I do believe in them. Im not ashamed to admit it. My life has been rife with it. For you to believe, I think you should experience it.
I have prayed for a lot of things in my life. For most times I get what I want, but not always. Which father gives everything his son asks for? What if what the son asks is harmful? Should the father please his son? Surely, the son will be dismayed if his current need is not met. He might even doubt the father's authority. "Why should I trust him?", he asks himself. He then goes into sulking.

What would the father be thinking? Will he be sad? Will he be glad in denying what his son wanted? He just wished his son would understand him. After all he is the dad.

Suppose I ask my father to take away all sufferings from my life. I ask him everything I want. He gives him everything. Where does that leave me? Am I happy cos of the things or cos of he being my father.Which is more important? He or the things?

As I wait for a miracle in my life, I know exactly where I am. I know I wont be ever satisfied or smug. In other words I am exploiting Him. I don't care how He feels. All I do is ask. No love returned back. I wonder when I will learn. Despite answering my prayers, He keeps loving.

I mean what kinda love is this?

  Which one of you fathers would give your hungry child a snake if the child asked for a fish? ¹² Which one of you would give your child a scorpion if the child asked for an egg? ¹³ As bad as you are, you still know how to give good gifts to your children. But your heavenly Father is even more ready to give the Holy Spirit to anyone who asks.

Luke 11:11-13