Along came a mosquito...

It's just rained. The air is cold and still and its way past midnight. I am desperate to get a goodnight sleep. The only thing is I can't. The constant buzzing of mosquitoes around me keeps me awake. Knowing that only my face is exposed I quickly tuck in under the blanket. They still fly around like miniature fighter jets ready to find a weak spot. Slowly my mind drifts off. I wonder why God created the mosquito. What's the purpose of it? What good can come from it? Were there a pair in Noah's Ark? Surely He knows the diseases it can cause. If blood symbolises life, these little insects are drawn to life. It gives them nourishment and to its eggs. Then my mind takes me to Jesus. He himself offered his body and blood to us. And then, right there at that moment I came to the profound realisation what John 3:16 actually meant.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"

I have heard this verse countless times. There is no denying I didn't know what it meant. As a Christian I know Jesus, his purpose and his legacy. 

But what I didn't know or care to know was the actual fact that God Loves Me More Than Jesus. Of course God loves Jesus, his Son. But the defining moment came when his Son was chosen to die for us. Logically... 

[It's been more than 2 years since I had this in draft and I have lost what I had in mind. Still I thought of publishing it.. Here goes...] 

Geat are thy works O Lord!

I love science. I did both my graduation and post graduation on it. I get excited and intrigued by its  discoveries and progress. Be it the particle smashing colliders, the space probing telescopes or the sequencing of genomes. What scientists do is to tell the workings of the natural. They propose, they test and they find. They begin with an unknown to ultimately reach a known.

Yet, despite all it's achievements, I'm still not sure of the origin story. From the origin of the universe to the precise moment when a new life is born. Who decides the perfect time to begin. Is there a conscious that permeates both space and time? A logic for creation and destruction? If it was infinitely hot and dense in the beginning, what triggered expansion? Why was it dense and hot in the first place? What prevented another to form somewhere else? Or did they? 

I on the other hand, willed for a baby. With God as my creator and me as a cocreator brought forward a tiny little being, a baby boy. After 6 years of marriage, I finally have a son. Thanks to all the prayers from persons known and unknown. 

If you are trying for a baby, a small spiritual suggestion then. If you are Catholic, offer a mass for all the babies that could not make it alive. Do this for 3 months. So, a mass for each month. May God bless you. 

When COVID came knocking, I opened the door

With COVID all around, it's variants emerging at dizzying speed, I was spared from it...until now. For the past two days, I was having high fever. Did two Antigen tests and came positive for both. I might need to do a PCR test. 

As I write this I am in isolation. I need to keep my family and those around safe. Now that after 5 years of marriage, by God's grace, we are expecting a baby in few months, I could have been more careful.

Last week, I had my cousin's engagement and this was the only time I remember, since Covid began, I let go of my mask and that too in crowd.

As its impossible to point from where or how I caught it, I can say masks help a lot. 

Digging your own grave

Human beings are stange. They do things which they know for sure hurts their soul. They have a choice. And they choose destruction. They know what awaits at the ends. Yet they choose evil.

And then there are others who obeys God's will, loves him, and abhors evil. But even when things go wrong, they never fail. They are steadfast.

If I truly be honest, I am of the first category. You?

On the other hand, despite what I do, God loves me. I say it because I see it in my life. I guess this is what it means to be "unconditional". So that it may help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Yesterdays and yesteryears

I just went down the memory lane. From my life in Ireland, Dubai to here right now. Have I achieved anything? Nada. Was there anything to be achieved? If having a good education and then a job for settling in is an achievement. Then no. I have not achieved it.

But sometimes not achieving anything makes me dream of how life could or could have been. Will these dreams drive me to chase success? Don't know.

After all what is success? Money? Good job? Reputation? Your success is different to mine. It is subjective. If I succeed to not have a sugary diet for a day, can you say it doesn't even meet the definition of success?

I believe as long as anything requires or warrants a struggle to reach that peak of feeling successful, then yes you just had success. At that peak, you look down at the boulders and mountains you climbed to reach here. You realise if it weren't for those, there would be no struggle and no success. 

The grass is greener there yonder

This is a continuation from one of my earlier post lionising my state, Kerala. I just happened to read an article in New Indian Express by Paul Zacharia. In it he extols how Kerala imbued views and opinions from others, be they far or near. A short but interesting read that takes you to the initial ideological formation of the state to the present.

Granted there is the desire in me to fly abroad, make some money and enjoy a better standard of living. But on hindsight, there is nothing lacking here except for a better income. Although I am employed at this time (thank God), expenses are eating away my monthly income. However, one thing I noticed is with a rising income, my propensity to spend more bumps up. I spend on things which otherwise I wouldn't have.

So then what makes me think to immigrate? Goods? Better pay? Or the feeling that something is lacking even when I am completely happy. 

World you can rebound

Who thought that in this day and age a virus could bring all human activities to a halt. That many would lose lives because of it.

But just as always, we joined hands and worked against it. But it also reminded us how fragile we are.

However no matter how fragile it is, the will always rise above it. 

My thoughts and prayers for all fighting.