വെറുതെ ഒരു മോഹം

വെറുതെ ഒരു മോഹം
എവിടെ എത്തും എന്ന് അറിയില്ല
വിശ്വാസം കൈ നിറയെ 
ജീവിതയാത്രയിൽ
കൂടെ ആരുമില്ല
വ്യാമോഹം ആവരുതെ  എന്ന് ഒറ്റ പ്രാർത്ഥന

Mary my mother

Mary my mother, I have been asking for faith and purity. How am I progressing?  Please guide me and save me from false hopes and expectations.
Ask your Son to forgive me sins for they are many.

Hope

I have never been so hopeful ever in my life. In my prayers I always ask to be increased in faith. Faith I really lack. I give up easily. Never fought, never bothered.
But right now I put my faith in God to bless me the way I want? Is it possible? Am I crazy? I don't know. But there is something inside me that says to keep hoping and never to waver in faith. Don't doubt. Just believe. Is this normal or am I going insane?
Should I keep going or should I turn and find new ways to tread? Am i being a fool? Faith is sooo weird. It makes us believe in something that is not there. Am I in some sort of hallucination?

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Why would anyone say that? How do I know if my faith and hope is according to the holy will? Can I hope in something just like that? 

So many questions. No one to answer. 

Blue is the colour

Feeling a bit low. So Susan finally gave her opinion. She doesn't want a boy such as me. Im so timid, so lacking any seriousness, and  incapable of being responsible. I'm trying to change these but was not quick enough. Progress was damn slow.
I had prayed hard for her. Never prayed this way in life. I can be yelling at God right now. But why I ask. It's His wish.
It's been almost a year since we spoke. I have been calling, messaging her all the time since then. Never replied, never returned call. No response. Still this fool believed that one day she will say she likes me.
Yesterday she called me. Man I was happy. Cmon it's 11 months.  She told me she is  with her boy asked me if it was difficult to believe. She then gives the phone to her "boy" who yells at me.lol. But then he suddenly hung up when I told him ill put in loudspeaker mode (my mom was with me and so she was anxious to hear what Susan is saying). I dint believe it. Im used to this.

Later my uncle called her mom and she said Susan is still single, not in any relationship and it was then I got the bad news...hee

She is not cruel. I know her. She is saving me from her troubles and sufferings. She does not want me to get hurt. I dunno what else to say.

Its all arranged

Here in India if u wanna get married u got to first get the nod from the girl's family. See the gal for the first time.Then the boy's family talks with them. Know more about them n hopefully all the talking ends up in tying a knot. Its all "arranged".

A boy such as me has to be on toes during all these customs. He has to always smile. Answer all the questions. Make a wrong move and then it's a bye bye to the girl whom u just met.
 

Although I have never been in such a situation yet...my heart goes out to most boys out there.

In my case, I had met the girl, Susan, before. We were classmates. We were good friends.But that was a decade ago.We lost contact till last year. I told I like her.  Today I still has to get a response from her. But I kinda think she likes me, only keeping quiet.

OK so it so happened that my uncle called Susan's mother to express my interest in marrying her. Her family is fine with our proposal. Now, again waiting for her response. Hopefully something interesting will come out.

Saying bye to Two-O-Fourteen

Just a few more days and this year will come to an end. On hindsight this year has been great. I haven't achieved anything, yet I believe I'm in the process of and I will. I have learned to wait.  I'm where I wanted to be. God had been kind to me. He never let me down. It is I who give pain to Him and it is I who receive His mercy.
I'm learning to face my fears for I see loss of opportunities if I run. I see change when once I thought I wont change. This is life. You don't know where it will lead. There is always a way. If not, a way will be made. Divine providence has always been with me. But I understand it is there to teach me to be independent, to be confident and to be a better person.

Have a great New Year dear all!!

Dreamt of a place from where I did not want to leave. It was very beautiful. All white as snow. I was being led by this young boy who was asked by his mother to show me this awesome place. Was it a glimpse of heaven? Was it my imagination? I dunno.

Jesus said to his disciples, “Don’t be worried! Have faith in God and have faith in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s house. I wouldn’t tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you. After I have done this, I will come back and take you with me. Then we will be together.

John 14:1-3 

 Edited on 12/30/2014

Can't believe it's December!

December December
You have given me something to remember
This whole year that was to ponder
To greet next year with more wonder
Life is fleeting like a shooting star
Where I wish to go and be look so far
So much to do in such a small time
When will I ever be free
To me to see
That this is not about regrets
But is of love and no secrets
But is of love and no secrets