Gate of Heaven

A small poem I wrote long back:

Dear Mother

Hear my prayer

My prayers you have heard before

Make me pray ever more

Through thorns I may tread

With your womb’s bread

Make it a path of roses

Where no door closes

My gate of heaven

Shut me not

Grant me what I seek

For this sinner ever so meek

Virgin most faithful

Where should I go when looking for faith when I have none. To whom  should I approach other than my mother Mary for this “little” thing. Her Son talks about faith throughout his life in the Bible. How do I obtain such a faith when being a sinner fear to approach Him. My sins call out. It separates me from His love, His grace. Is there any hope?

Alas, there is such a  way. An easy  way in fact.  To lead me to Him. It’s the way by which He came to earth and it’s the same way one can go to Him. The Marian way.

There are occasions when we as a child fear to present ourselves to our dad. But then, here comes our dear mom vouching for us. Obtaining what we have asked for. Likewise can we obtain graces through our dear Mary?

Will she accepts us as we are? Is there any prerequisites?

I think all we need is faith. Complete and hones faith in her. How do I get it? Do I have to just ask her in my prayers? Is it freely given?

When Jesus was at Cana during the wedding, what did He tell her concerning the wine business?

First, Jesus had no choice but to listen to His mother. Second, the wedding was saved through her by Him.

So for me, it seems, the servants trusted Mary. They obeyed her and had faith in her. That’s why they did as she told them to, without questioning. If it was me there I would be like “ It’s just plain water, what good can come from it?”.

I guess I just have to trust her. That’s all. Pray to her devotedly, she knows I am a sinner. But at her request she can change a lot of things J.

 As before---waiting for a blessing. Ignore my sins dear Lord. If not. I have no hope.

The 54 day rosary

I have never heard of a 54 day rosary/novena before. I was surprised no one ever told me of this. I'm now on the 21st day of it. I know my dear Mother will bless me with the blessings that I actually need. And I know, no matter how hard I try, certain requests are better not answered lest it might do harm. Or I may not be ready for it. Im actually confused here. If something is bad for me, then if I ask her Son, won't he turn it into something good? Ah well...maybe I have to be content with God's way. He has His own ways, and no one has the authority to question Him. Do they?

You can find a PDF for this novena here. I don't know, after beginning to recite the Holy Rosary over the past 2 years, it has given me confidence and increased my faith in her and Him. To be frank, I dreaded reciting the rosary when I was a kid. But somehow, because of all the pains this life has to give, I feel attached to it now. Flippancy, boredom  and the frequent lustful thoughts were common to be when I started praying. But now, it doesn't overwhelm me often. But I must say..it is still difficult.
I asked Mary to tech me to pray more fervently. And so I can suggest one or two ways to recite it.

Method 1
Imagine you are kneeling before the Mother. Believe she is in front of you. You cant risk reciting the rosary without care and devotion. Cry unto her. She will listen.

No prayer is wasted through her. You may not get what you want, but rest assured she will gladly pass it her dear Son, which is more than what we can ask. For we all are sinners. We really don't deserve anything. Do we? And yet, He keeps us alive. He loves us.

Method 2
Well this might not apply to all. Its for those who use English as a second language besides their native one. Recite the Lords Prayer, Hail Marys and Holy Marys in your own language through your lips while at the same time translate it to English in your mind. This is quiet hard. But it keeps you focused. Remember to understand the meaning instead of just translating.

Sweet Susan

I must admit, I haven't said much about Susan. Well, its been few months now since the day she rang me first. Will this call end in marriage? I hope so. But Im also leaving it the good Lord, cos I have liked many girls before, but each time the answer was NO. So, my instincts say to play safe. If God thinks I can look after a girl, if He thinks I can raise a family. Sure why Not?
I can't read any signs from her, apart from the occasional ones from God...or so I think. Well, it has made me glad often times. But, Im now sure for one thing. She can be a better half of me. I mean, she has most of the qualities I lack. She is not that kinda girl who needs much attention...in fact I think she hates too much of it. Good for me, cos I really have no clue  to give much attention. My sister, says I have no to be in a relationship. So it kinda helps.
She used to be timid and quiet...that's how she was. But now she has become strong and bold. She had to. But still life seems to be difficult for her.
She can get annoyed fast, so I have to be careful...hehe.
And I don't know why I am writing this. Am I under the influence of a drug called love? The crazy thing about this is that you dont have a clue if you are doped or not. So am I....in LOVE?

സ്നേഹിക്കാനും അറിയില്ല , സ്നേഹം എന്തെന്നും അറിയില്ല. കഷ്ടം  !!

Love from above

Here am I testifying a small miracle that took place. Well, believe if you will.

It was my cousin’s wedding recently. I was given a a golden bracelet to put on him. Ok...so, I find him and he was busy like hell. C’mon it’s his wedding day, what do I expect? I asked for his arm to put the bracelet. He extends his arms, then says that I can put it later on him. I happily stash it in my pockets. Safe and secure. Right? WRONG.

The next time I took it out, I was shocked to see the hook (clasp) missing. I was frantic. Where the hell did it go? The whole thing is supposed to be in my pocket–intact. So how could only the hook go?  Strange. And so, I retraced my steps hoping to find a  small shimmer somewhere. I couldn’t. I failed. What am I gonna say? How can I be so careless?

And so when the question was asked as to if I knew whether the hook was there  along with  the bracelet when it  was given to me. I happily said I dint have a clue. In reality…I lied…for fear of damnation. Worse…while in church.

I then asked for forgiveness and requested to God and to St. Jude to make me find it. I went back, searched the place where I took it out first. Could not find it. Lost hope. Gave up.

Late in the night while I was at my home, they rang saying the hook was found.

Now why do I feel God loves me soo much while I don’t really deserve it? He has always been like this to me. I sin, sin like hell. Asks for forgiveness. He forgives without a word. Only to sin again. He forgives again.

What kind of love is this? Is this what they mean by “unconditional love”?

Yesterday, I had a new roommate join me. Unfortunately, he can’t speak. Im like wondering why God made him like this. Here am I, completely healthy. Never really, had any financial crisis. And yet keeps sinning. There are many others, who are suffering from lots of diseases, and various crisis. They are the ones who actually need a miracle. Why does He love me? Am I to be the river, where He is the source? Can I ever be the river?

Between two worlds

I am a Roman Catholic. And I am proud of being one. Why is that? Is it just cos it’s the largest Christian denomination with about 1.2 billion adherers? Or is it cos of its far reaching influences across the whole world?

Although, in no way I am a true Christian, I love the fact that I was born  into a Christian family. Raised and loved by Christian parents. And being a Christian, one thing I have understood is that you have to suffer. Suffer–both internally and to the external world. It’s a struggle. But the very mention of the word “struggle” despairs us. I wonder what did Jesus mean when He said  “This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.”

The Roman Catholic is not without its share of shame and guilt. And I hope Pope Francis put things right. He is kinda ubiquitous now. I must say, I see him now and then in the newspapers. If I were to meet him…what would I say? Hmm…

I have to say to stop a custom that is sometimes hurtful being followed by the churches here in my state. For example, my dad who was a Knanaya Roman Catholic fell in love with my mom who unfortunately was not one. She was a Christian, but not catholic. So you see, the Knanaya  Church with all its ideology and beliefs removed my dad from it. And so me, mom and my sister all are now just Roman Catholics...without the Knanaya part. As a result, now my grandfather and grandma (pure Knanaya) are buried in a different church to where my dad rests. So Im like…why this separation? Why can’t we all be one? Church is supposed to bring unity…not disunion. Im not opposing anyone. Just wanted to say that it hurt me.

Next I would invite him to my wedding…that is, if there is one. It’s just a silly wish. lol

Assuming that I am Knanaya. He will have to see me …being removed from the Knanaya community if I were to marry a non-Knanaya girl. It kinda makes you guilty to fall in love. Like an offense.

But that’s not the reason why I invited him. I just needed his blessing….that’s all. Who wouldn’t love to be blessed by a Pope? And who wouldn’t love to confess to the Pope? I mean…he is the Pope.

Barrel Rider

You see, I’m not so much so a movie buff. It’s rare that I go out with anyone. let alone. to a movie. Being a quiet character has its drawbacks.

Maybe it’s cos of my mindset “Why go elsewhere, pay high prices for something you can watch on your telly”…even if that means to wait a year or two.  Of course there are many occasions where I had to tag along with someone, either cos they insisted or because I dint want to let them down. So most of the time I end seeing pics that I don’t like.

This time I chose to see one which I actually wanted to see. It’s The Hobbit : The Desolation of Smaug in 3D. I love Lord of the Rings series and never get tired of seeing it over and over again. And I can fairly say that Hobbit is also now one of my favorites.
Although, the books stay leagues above the films, it’s still breathtaking to watch all the graphics.

Check out their website…it’s pretty awesome with Chrome (http://middle-earth.thehobbit.com/map)

Happy Christmas to you all!! And begin the next year with smile.